Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
