I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
