Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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