It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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