Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
