final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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