Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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