Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
