You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He did a backflip because drugs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
