could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
