oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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