Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
