dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
