I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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