he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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