Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
