she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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