it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize