there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
