fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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