im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
