How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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