Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
