So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
