bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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