what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
