Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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