Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your cock deserves a montage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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