She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
