At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
