i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
