I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize