Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
