Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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