Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
