My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
