I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize