your room smells of hookers.
And success
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
