I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
