YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
