No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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