Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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