I CAN MOONWALK!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
