i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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