Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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