Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
