dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
