I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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