thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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