dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
