It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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