Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
