i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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