This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
whose parrot is this?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize