Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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