Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
