She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
