Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize