i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize