his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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