I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
