garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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