I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
