hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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