I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
