Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize