1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
