Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
