In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
