I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
