His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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