And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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