I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
