Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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