I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
