thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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