so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
