so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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